b-obbs:

thefuzzhead:

schmergo:

I don’t like to call Frankenstein’s creation a ‘monster’ because he seems pretty chill, so I just call him Frankenstein’s lil boi

*new yorker accent* yeah, that’s guy’s just Frankie’s kid, what’s it to ya?

“Yeah that’s Frankie’s kid, his pop dont treat ‘im right, neither do most people round here, but he ain’t a bad kid, just in a bad sitiation”

the-last-punbender:

chromolume:

so imagine you’re making ratatouille and you don’t like tomatoes. you don’t like the taste, the texture, the putting them in the water and the peeling them - eugh! so you say to yourself “lookit, this whole dish is nothing but vegetables, so what does it matter if i leave the tomatoes out?” a seemingly innocuous decision on the surface, but 2 hours or whatever later when you’re done cooking, you open the oven to find a complete mess! just a pot full of baked vegetables, none of them congealed or somehow unified. what happened to your beloved ratatouille? so you take to google and find that actually the tomatoes are an essential ingredient of ratatouille, as they form a “sauce” of a certain kind that makes the whole thing work. and so a seemingly innocent decision has destroyed the very foundation of the established order with disturbing ramifications towards the whole. in this essay i will examine how martin luther’s 95 theses lead to protestants being more boring than catholics

This is the opposite of a recipe blog

pipcomix:

vampireapologist:

pipcomix:

I love to be a homeowner. I’m responsible for so many extremely stupid things now

#CALL YOUR LANDLORD FUCK ITS ME. IM THE LANDLORD

i was the exact opposite bc I grew up in an old old house that always needed work and when I moved into my first apartment the landlord told me the bathroom still needed caulked and I didnt understand that meant she was sending someone to DO that so I caulked the entire bathroom and when the guy got there he went “did you……..Do This” and I was like “yes, and why, and who are you”

This is great he must have been so unnerved

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dankmemeasstronaut:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dankmemeasstronaut:

dingdongyouarewrong:

dingdongyouarewrong:

i feel like ikea turns me into a different person. i walk into the swedish furniture jail and suddenly i’m a 29 year old pinterest mom who owns 6546 minimalist storage bins and names her daughter parsley

i take one look at a showroom with like a perfectly styled FJÅLBJØRKBÖLLSTORP or whatever and suddenly i am this woman

A conservative dress with children of your own race. SO progressive!

…. do you need something, or?

Yes, I need to tell you that you have been manipulated by this site I used to spend my entire youth on. I used to be just like you but life made me mature and I realize now how brainwashed I was. This site is poison, and I sincerely and absolutely mean that. You were here since 2012? I was since 2009. Please, wake up, I beg you. Please stop being misled by all these labels and infighting and utopian ideals, it’s not worth it. Stop living life for cheap pleasure. Seeing innocent people be led to chaos like this makes me cry. It really does. i wish you the best.

what in the god damn hell are you talking about……. this was a post about ikea

im short circuiting

dare-i-say-asexual:

okay so when i was a teen i got a full ride scholarship to a really nice private high school which meant i ended up hanging out with a bunch of rich kids and i’ll never forget this one girl who’s parents got a divorce after her dad tried to hit on their secretary and the secretary revealed she was already having an affair with his wife and that’s why she got invited on all the family’s vacations

wizardjpeg:

wizardjpeg:

oh i am so genius

instead of purchase one sandwich i can purchase the materials (bread, soap, etc) and make more than one sandwich

robotmango:

me, crouched down in front of my tomato plants, examining a pattern of insect bites on their lower leaves: i’m going to fucking kill whoever did this. i’m going to kill them for you. don’t worry, babies. I’m going to murder every single son of a bitch who ever got a mouthful of you. they’ll die screaming

my neighbor, who i did not realize was also outside, standing behind the fence: oh! okay. you’re talking to the plants. okay.

blackberryshawty:

mpregcraig:

QUESTION 1: Your wife, the mother of your children, is drowning. You have a life preserver. However, a customer requires your assistance. What do you do?

QUESTION 2: A man has been caught stealing from the company and he is currently awaiting execution. You are the executioner. Do you pull the trigger?

QUESTION 3: Which sentence best describes yourself?

- I have clinical depression.

- I’m ready to be productive!

QUESTION 4: Which sentence best describes yourself?

- I try to do things to the best of ability.

- I am willing to bleed for you.

QUESTION 5: Are you afraid to die?